Believing in Hope
by starbright11
Summary: In the aftermath of "Past, Present, Future", Gibbs finds himself with a late night visitor who needs to be reminded how to believe in hope...


**Disclaimer**:** The idea of this scene has been bugging me for days now and I had to get it out. I read plenty of fan fiction but I rarely write it, so we'll see how this goes. As is the case with almost everyone else, I own nothing to do with these characters or the series; I am merely borrowing them for a bit. If I did own them, well, we'd have a much different show. Anyways, on with the story...**

Leroy Jethro Gibbs sat at his desk in the basement aimlessly flipping through the files before him. The words had blended together hours before and now he wasn't even sure what he was looking at anymore. The pain in his eye intensified as he set down the papers and grabbed the cold bottle of beer with one hand and the glass of bourbon with the other. The burning liquid down his throat did as much to numb the pain as the bottle against his face. A second bottle and glass still sat on the desk, waiting for their owner to walk through the door and come claim them. Gibbs checked the time once more and sighed. Tony's flight should've come in by now. It didn't matter that it was the middle of the night. He knew Tony would stop here eventually. Ziva's phone call essentially cemented the idea, especially if her condition was anything to go off of. He could only imagine the state Tony was in.

As if he had heard his thoughts, the sound of the front door opening and closing were followed by heavy footfalls on the floor above. A moment later, Anthony DiNozzo Jr descended the basement stairs looking every bit a broken and battered man. He made it to the bottom and proceeded to sit on the stairs and hang his head in his hands. Gibbs took the moment to look over and study his senior field agent. The past several months seemed to have weighed heavily on the man before him and there was a new element of pain and sadness that clung to his being and radiated outward. Gibbs wasn't blind. He had seen what his two agents had been dancing around for years and, if he were being honest, he never saw it eventually playing out this way. He imagined every scenario in his head, but for some reason he had missed this one. The agent in him wanted to use this as evidence for why rules existed in the first place. The father in him was torn between consoling his two children and helping them through this pain and wanting to smack the ever living hell out of them for years wasted and just being overall complete idiots. Glancing once more at Tony, Gibbs decided that consoling and helping were probably his best options at the moment. There would be plenty of time for smacking later. Tony moved slightly and Gibbs caught a glimpse of gold peeking over his collar. He blinked and it was gone a second later, but it was enough for him to figure out what he had seen. Gibbs allowed himself a minor smile before he wiped it away and used the necklace as his opening. "You convert while you were over there on your vacation?"

Tony gave a little snort and his shoulders moved up and down with the action, but his head remained down. "I'd hardly call the last several months a vacation."

Gibbs continued to look him over and decided to test the waters a tad bit. "It was originally supposed to be, wasn't it?"

Tony snorted once more and slightly shook his head. Gibbs could see a sarcastic smirk forming on the younger man's face. "Different circumstances."

"Really. How so?" Gibbs turned to face Tony and crossed his arms over his chest.

Tony looked up at that and if Gibbs thought his body had radiated pain before, it was nothing compared to the volumes his eyes were speaking now. His eyes were red rimmed, probably from hours of crying and also had a glassy sheen to them. Every emotion, too, was being played out and on display in those green orbs. Pain, sadness, loss, and an overabundance of love. Gibbs looked away and took a long draw from his glass, feeling suddenly as if he were intruding on something insanely private. That maybe he should have given Tony some time to calm down and adjust by himself before he spoke with him. He set down his drink and reached over to grab the two extra he had set aside earlier before he got up and walked towards the other man. He stood before him and held out the two options. "I wasn't sure which you would want, so I grabbed one of each." Tony thought about it for just a moment before he grabbed both out of Gibbs' hands. He drained the bourbon in one gulp before handing the glass back and cracking open the beer. "You still didn't answer my question."

Tony took a swig from the bottle, chasing away the sting of the sudden burn from the drink. "Which one?"

Gibbs went back and sat down at the desk and continued to stare at the other man. "I was asking how the circumstances were different, but now that you mention it, you never did tell me whether you had converted or not."

Tony once again shook his head and stared up at the ceiling. "I really don't think I even need to tell you how it was different. Pretty sure you already know." Tony looked back down and made eye contact with Gibbs. "And no, no conversion for me. Why do you even ask?" Tony tilted his head to the side in curiosity.

Gibbs allowed himself another smile which proved to further confuse Tony. Gibbs pointed at the other man in the general direction of his upper body and said "That's a very lovely necklace you're wearing. A little too dainty for you, but lovely nonetheless."

The confusion drained out of Tony as his hand came up to his throat to clasp the treasure hidden under his shirt. "How'd you even…" Tony's voice trailed off as he realized who he was speaking to and that it really didn't matter. "You know what? Never mind. Silly question. No, I didn't convert. This was just a parting gift, I guess you could call it. I offered her my heart and she gave me back this." He paused to take another long pull of his beer, swallow, and collect his thoughts. "Don't get me wrong, I do understand the significance of it. I really do. But it doesn't make it hurt any less. For the time being, until I can give it back, this is all I have of her. And that is so damn hard." Tony's voice broke as he finished his rant and the traitorous tears that he thought he was finished with escaped once more and ran down his cheeks.

Gibbs cleared his throat and looked away, not used to seeing his usually aloof and guarded agent so open and vulnerable. "That's not all you have of her. You have her heart as well, which you damn well know. That necklace is just the physical proof of that. You also have eight years worth of memories. Hold tight to those and don't let them go. They're what's going to keep you going until you can see her again."

Tony wiped at the moisture on his face before he stood and started walking around the room. "And what makes you so sure that I'm gonna see her again? I know I'm hoping for it one day, preferably soon, but what makes you so sure?"

Gibbs stood as well and walked over to grab the bottle of bourbon. He poured himself some more and added more to Tony's abandoned glass as well. "You have to have hope, DiNozzo. Hope keeps you sane and gives you something to live for. Also, the phone call I received earlier this evening might've helped too."

Tony stopped his pacing and spun around to face Gibbs. "She actually called you? I told her to, but I thought she wasn't going to do it. What'd she say?"

Gibbs shook his head and handed Tony his glass once more. "That conversation's for me to know and you to find out. Maybe she'll tell you one day. But suffice to say, it gave me hope that this wasn't 'goodbye', but rather an 'until we meet again'."

Tony sighed and sat down in the chair that Gibbs had just vacated. "Goodbye. Eight years and all I got was one night to say goodbye. Just once night to cram every thought and feeling and emotion I've ever had for and about her. I tried but it just wasn't enough. I needed more time." Tony raised the glass to his lips and this time just took a sip.

Gibbs stopped leaning against the bench and ignored the urge to go and strangle the younger man. "First off, I really didn't need to know what the two of you got up to once you found her. I was content with not knowing and just assuming. Secondly, be grateful you even got that one night. Some of us never got that luxury. Some of us would give anything to go back in time and get that one night. So be thankful that you were able to and that it won't be the last."

Tony had the decency to look abashed. "I'm so sorry boss. I didn't even think-"

"No, DiNozzo, you didn't. But I'll let it go this one time because I know you're upset. Don't let it happen again. I will not have you feeling sorry for yourself." Gibbs resumed leaning against the bench and his gaze softened towards his agent. "Just don't give up on her, alright. Give her some time and have hope that when she's ready, she'll come back home to us and to you. Let her clear her head and fight her demons." Gibbs held up his hand when he saw Tony start to protest. "I know you want to help her. Believe me when I say I know and that I do too. But, this is something that she needs to do on her own. We'll never be able to understand everything she's had to do and been through over the years and only she'll know when she's finally come to terms with it. Only then we'll she feel that she deserves our love."

Tony clutched his bottle even tighter while he listened to his boss' words. "She never should have to think she doesn't deserve us."

Gibbs shook his head in agreement. "I know that and you know that. Hopefully soon, she will as well. I'll say it one more time and that's it. Give her time. Go to work, live your life and wait for her. That's all you can really do at this point. Hold tight to those memories and that necklace. If you feel yourself spiraling out of control you tell me the moment it happens; I will do my best to center you. I might smack you, but know that you are not alone and you never have to be." He walked over next to Tony and clapped him on the shoulder blades. "I know this is kind of a moot point, but my door is always open whenever you need it. Even if I'm not here, don't think you can't come down here. Don't worry, we'll get through this together."

Tony stood and had to clamp down the urge to hug the older man. Instead, he smiled and returned the clap on the back. "Thanks boss. You have no idea how much you just helped."

Gibbs smiled at the man before he sat back down at the desk and opened up his files once more. "You're welcome, DiNozzo. Now get home and get some sleep. You've had a draining couple of months and I need you back to one hundred percent come Monday. You have a lot of work to catch up on. Some of us weren't spending our summers touring the Middle East."

Tony laughed and Gibbs smiled at the progress that he had made. A comment like that earlier would have sent Tony even further into a state of depression. His ability to laugh it off now gave Gibbs hope for the future. Tony threw a smile over his shoulder and made his way towards the stairs. "Yea, I guess I should get home. I have no idea what time it is but I'm sure it's super late. And I should probably make sure that the neighbor girl has been feeding my fish. That might be important."

Tony made it half way up the stairs before he stopped and turned around. "Oh yea."

Gibbs sighed and stared over. "What now, DiNozzo?"

Tony shuffled his feet and smirked over at his boss. "I was going to ask earlier, but we kind of got sidetracked. Do I even want to know what happened to your face?"


End file.
